Mary, Mary Quite Contrary, Why Don't Your Babies Grow?

I am the proud aunt of five special nephews. Through these special little guys, I have come to experience the immense joy and love that comes from becoming an aunt. The newest addition to this bunch of boys is a 25 pound-3 month old named Owen. He and his older brother, Isaac, are a result of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). 

Infertility is not something that many young women consider in their life plans. Girls grow up playing with baby-dolls, pretending to be mommy in an imaginary game of house, and dreaming of a happily ever after with the man of their dreams.

The dream of family comes to a screeching halt when infertility enters the picture. This trial is often unnoticed because of its personal nature. It certainly isn’t easy to talk about either. Infertility comes in many forms. Some couples face never being able to conceive and others face frequent miscarriages. 

My dear parents faced infertility for 6 years before the birth of my sister, Katie. That same sister and her husband faced this trial only a few years ago. Other family members and friends are facing this situation as well. My path is looking similar.

Infertility is hard.

Despite good intentions, there are several unhelpful things to say to those struggling with infertility that include, but are not limited to:

Whose fault is it?

You can always adopt!

Stop trying so hard.

You need more faith.

There’s plenty of time for you to get pregnant.

Why aren’t you trying ­­­_______?

There are worse things that could happen.

Putting school/career before a family?

Just relax.

God must really love me-look at my children. 

You must not be meant to be a parent.

Become a teacher.

I hate morning sickness.

You’re lucky you aren’t pregnant.

From observation and experience, I have come to see rays of light that come through the clouds of infertility.

Be educated. Know your family’s health history. Know your own health. Beware of naïve thinking- “When we want to have kids, we will!” It’s easy for some people, but not for everyone.

Family decisions are between God, husband, and wife. Take the possibility of infertility into account when deciding when to start your family. Time is not your body’s friend when trying to conceive.   

Develop sympathy. This goes both ways. Take into consideration that a lot of people do not know what to say when you are going through infertility. Remember there is a lot of hurt and frustration for couples TTC (trying to conceive). Often, they are on hormone pills, recovering from surgeries, and going through the roller coaster of emotions from high hopes to negative pregnancy results.

Infertility is a slow and emotional process.  Think about it. There is a very small window of opportunity to actually start a successful pregnancy. When it doesn’t happen, there is a month wait. During this time, hopes are being raised only to be shattered by a negative pregnancy test or TOM visit. Then, the process starts again. Month…after month…after month…

Judge not. We never know the circumstances surrounding those around us. We do not always understand why certain blessings are given to some and not to others, but…

God always keeps His promises.  He has not forgotten you and He is aware of you. It is unknown why some children are sent to abusive families and wonderful couples are left barren. There is more than one scriptural account of infertility. There has to be forces greater than our understanding.  

Light comes through understanding. What lights came on for you…?